


Bloom

by dontscoldme_bi



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Friendship, Jinyoung is a sad boi, Light Angst, M/M, Mark is bf material, Pining, mentions of cheating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:08:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25784173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontscoldme_bi/pseuds/dontscoldme_bi
Summary: Jinyoung is a mess. A sad kind of mess. With too many things going on inside his head and voices haunting him in his sleep. He just wanted to move on, and maybe even disappear.But one night, he unexpectedly let all his demons out.
Relationships: Park Jinyoung/Mark Tuan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. Drunk and miserable

**Author's Note:**

> Song inspiration: Zombie by Day6

It was already dark when Jinyoung reached his apartment. He went out with his friends after finishing their report to be passed on Friday. It's Wednesday so he still has two days of rather suffocating time in school.

Not that he doesn't acknowledge Youngjae's presence, but it's just that the latter is always goofing around, hanging with his other friends too. And Jinyoung doesn't have the energy to do so.

His knees gave out when he finally opened the door. He slumped onto the hard floor, not even switching the lights on. He felt like the energy he once had was sucked out of him. Socializing isn't his forte these days huh?

After a couple of minutes staying slumped on the floor and leaning his back against the wall near the door, he finally has the strength to stand up and go to the bathroom to wash himself up. He realizes tomorrow's gonna be another day.

_Are you out of your mind? Noona..._ _please..._

He woke up to a throbbing headache, the sunlight peeking through his curtains, and that dream, that dream occurred again. He just wanted to bury himself alive in the mountains of his beddings. He just wished for a nice day to happen to him, he thought drinking a little amount of soju and beer wouldn't give his head a damage but the opposite happened.

He got out of his bed anyway. He settled for a cup of instant rice which he'll put in the microwave to reheat, he opened a can of tuna and added some mayonnaise to it. It wouldn't be complete without an instant ramen and his mom's kimchi. 

While he's munching on his food, he's reminded of the dream he had a while ago. How it sounded clear, how her face looked vivid, how it appeared to be very real. He would be lying if he say that it didn't bother him, but what can he do? It all happened in the past, he's trying so hard to move on, trying so hard to ignore and to forget what her face looked like when they both talked face to face.

He takes a deep breath, without him noticing, a tear has fallen down his cheek.

"Hyung! Thought you're not going to class today. You weren't replying to me." It's Youngjae, one year younger than him. They met during college orientation. Introduced themselves to each other while buying a cup of iced coffee. Since then they became buddies. Though, Youngjae gained a lot of friends from Jinyoung's department. Probably the perks of having an older friend, Youngjae once said.

"...and you look... stressed?" As if Youngjae wasn't sure if what he said isn't offensive to Jinyoung. "What's new, eh?" He shrugged his friend's words over him, smiling so he would look more believable? So he would stop asking questions? But Youngjae didn't buy his fake smile. "Tell me, hyung…is it because of that issue again?" Jinyoung just nodded, not looking at him. His heart is beating erratic again, so he grips the hem of his shirt just to stay grounded. The younger pulls him close, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Youngjae didn't say a word. The mere fact that he's there, supporting him both literally and figuratively made him feel a little bit okay. "Hmm...what if you go out with me tonight?" Youngjae looks at Jinyoung with a smiling face, his eyebrows are wiggling, convincing him. Jinyoung made a sound of protest but Youngjae is persistent. "Come on, it's Thursday night! I don't have classes tomorrow!" It doesn't make any sense to Jinyoung because…"I do! I have classes tomorrow, Youngjae. I have a report to defend. I'm not going to drink with you." Youngjae rolled his eyes, not even scared of what Jinyoung's reaction might be. "'kay if you change your mind, text me."

And maybe the heavens conspired with Youngjae because now, he's standing in front of a pub, with his cardigan hugging his body. 

His block mate had told him, classes on Friday have already been cancelled due to their professor being out of town for three days. That means, no shitty report for him, three days without school, and he could probably get wasted tonight if he gets in the mood.

Youngjae welcomes him with a big bear hug and a blinding smile. Youngjae's cheeks were already tinted with pinkish blush due to alcohol. He offered him a seat next to him, he sees Jackson from across the table and a person he doesn't recognize. Fair skin, shiny black hair, wearing an oversized black band shirt, and a pack of cigarettes in his hand. Jackson smiled at him when he noticed Jinyoung's eyes were on the person beside him. "By the way, this is Mark; my good friend. Mark, that's Jinyoung. He's older than you...for your info." Mark gave him a flashing smile, he offered his hand to him. Jinyoung took it a little too slowly. "Uhmm...since we're drinking and I suppose we'd be close...soon, could I just call you by your name and not with hyung 'cause that's what I do with Jackson and you know...maybe? But if you're not fine with that just tell me."

"It's fine. Do what you want." Maybe Jinyoung's reaction was a little too cold for everyone's liking so Youngjae elbowed him and he whispered a "what" at the younger but Youngjae just let him be. 

Jinyoung drinksh to his heart's content. Mixing soju with beer, eating grilled intestines, and then going back to drinking. He doesn't talk much, it didn't bother him when an old man accidentally bumped his head, he didn't say no when Jackson poured him another drink.

It feels like he was born to get drunk, like being there was the best decision he's ever made so far. He can hear Youngjae asking him to slow down but he didn't care. He can see but not clearly how Jackson's staring at him with concern in his eyes. And when he made a gagging sound, that was when Youngjae asked him firmly "that's enough" and it sounded more like a demand. That's probably also their cue to end the night.

Jackson and Mark stood up from their seats, walking towards the counter to pay the bill. He can hear Youngjae's whining, saying _you should've not done that, don't throw up on me, Jackson, Mark, help me here_. He can only hear those words, but he kind of doesn't care how he's being a pain in the ass of their group right now. Just this once, he thought. Just this once.

He's now being supported by Youngjae and his newly found acquaintance, Mark. His legs are wobbly, he feels dizzy, and he feels so full to the point of wanting to throw up. He made another gagging sound and it alarmed Youngjae more than it did to Mark.

So, Mark let him stand at the corner of the pavement and made soothing circles against his back. Mark doesn't seem fazed about how gross his situation is right now, the guy's even encouraging him to just let it all out and so he did.

He smells awful, he feels sweaty and hot. His head is still spinning, his legs are still wobbly, he's a mess right now and he knows it full well. He thought drinking would make him feel better, make him feel okay, make him forget about things that are burdening him. 

It's not fair that he drowned himself in alcohol just to get betrayed by the flashbacks of the past that he wanted so bad to forget, to let go of. He remembered what her face looked like when she was talking to him, her hands that were shaking on top of the table. The coffee she didn't even dare to take a sip on just because he was the one who bought it. Her eyes were teary, her voice was trembling, and Jinyoung was so scared of what might happen. Like what if she'd shout at him? what if the people around the cafe would know? He felt so small, he felt like all eyes were on him when it's actually just her's. _Are you sure you didn't know? Didn't even notice? She gritted her teeth, obviously annoyed._

And now that her voice is back again inside his head, he felt cold contrary to what he felt a while ago. He couldn't help but let out little sobs while he's leaning his head against the car's window. Youngjae could feel his shoulders move up and down from sobbing. "Are you alright, hyung?"

_Is he really alright?_ Of course, he isn't. He feels tired, he feels hopeless, he's just like a zombie; living but dead inside. He just wanted to disappear.

He doesn't answer him, instead, his sobs have gotten a little more louder, a little more obvious this time that Jackson and Mark noticed too. "What's happening?" Jackson chimed in. Jinyoung wanted to shout, wanted to just let it all out of his system because it's been too hard for him. It's been so hard to the point where he literally could feel the physical pain stabbing him right on his chest.

In the middle of his crying, he said "I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. Youngjae, you know that, right? I fucked up big time." Youngjae shakes his head telling him he didn't, the younger is pulling him in a hug but Jinyoung refuses. "No, Youngjae. How can I be so stupid?" he laughed bitterly. "I think everyone needs to know it this time since we're all _friends_ here, right?…" he highlighted the word, sounding sarcastic. With a bitter sounding voice he said, 

"I've loved a married man…


	2. Mark, and his coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How about you? What random stuff should I know about you?" Jinyoung was a little taken aback by what he just heard he thought maybe Mark was challenging him to speak up about his little revelation last week. "You really want to know don't you?" He said while stirring his coffee with a teaspoon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for reading this. Hope everyone's healthy and safe.

Neither of them talked about what happened during the ride that night. It was obvious that they weren't that bold to ask more about it even when they stayed at Jackson's place except from Mark who opted to go back home instead. When Jinyoung woke up from his slumber, he was actually surprised to know that he slept on Jackson's bed with Youngjae beside him while the owner of the room was only sleeping on the floor with thick blankets as a sleeping mat. He was thankful for him nonetheless. 

A few days have passed since then, and everything just kind of went back to normal. Like, nothing really happened. In fact, he already defended the report that once got delayed a few days ago. Youngjae was still the same, of course, he knew everything about it but Jinyoung noticed how the younger became more attentive to him, more caring. One time, the younger bought him refreshments, or that one time where Youngjae went to his apartment just so they could go to school together. 

Part of him was happy about all those things, about how caring he is of him but also a part of him feels like he's becoming a burden to the younger. He doesn't want him to feel like he needs those extra attention just so he could feel better – not that he doesn't want Youngjae to do those things but he's aware that the younger is doing it to not make things awkward and to make him feel better. But he just wanted to be treated like how he treated him before. 

  
  
  


He was inside a coffee shop when he felt someone poked his shoulder and when he looked up, he saw Mark standing beside him – smiling. They greeted each other, he even offered him a drink but he refused, so he just let him sit across him. They talked about random things like how Mark and Jackson became friends. He learned that they became friends since high school with Jackson being his senior. Jinyoung also learned that Mark wasn't born and raised in Korea. He also learned that he likes spicy food and that he loves to play online games hence taking up Computer Science Studies even though gaming isn't in the course description. 

Mark cleared his throat when they suddenly became quiet. "How about you? What random stuff should I know about you?" Jinyoung was a little taken aback by what he just heard he thought maybe Mark was challenging him to speak up about his little revelation last week. "You really want to know don't you?" He said while stirring his coffee with a teaspoon. 

"I didn't have an idea that he's married...believe me." He said truthfully. "I was having my internship in this company and that time he was assigned to assist me, making me familiarize on how things work there." Mark's listening, letting him continue. "He assisted me for a week, I was placed right beside where his desk area is. We became close, I guess? We would eat together with some of the interns and his fellow officemates as well. He helped me a lot when I was having a hard time reviewing all those paperworks, he was just always there when I needed help and I guess I became dependent on him." 

"Mmm...so how did it happen?" 

"I guess I wasn't the only one feeling the sexual tension between us. He felt it too." Jinyoung wasn't sure if he's supposed to tell Mark everything about him and his ex, knowing his past relationship was an embarrassment. Mark saw the discomfort in Jinyoung's eyes so he didn't ask for more details but there was just this feeling in him that somehow tells him to just blurt everything to this guy in front of him. Maybe because they still weren't that close? Maybe because he thinks Mark isn't the type to judge that easily? If anything, Mark looks like someone who would just be there to listen to you when you needed to be heard. And he wants to know if he's gut feelings are true. 

He told him about how his ex cornered him one day at work when he was inside the break room to get some snacks. He asked for his number and he willingly gave it to him. He saw how a smile was plastered on his face right after that. So Jinyoung took it as a sign that they're actually on the same page. 

He was everything Jinyoung likes in a guy. Hardworking and passionate. He liked how tidy he is, how he doesn't have vices at all except he really likes to eat burgers. Like he came straight out of Jinyoung's imaginary dream guy list. 

"But he was never honest with you." Mark suddenly said. It hurt him a little because what he said was true. "Yeah. That's one thing he lacks with…" 

And it should make him embarrassed, confessing all those things to Jackson's friend. So he said "I hate him but I also hate myself because I was stupid, really stupid." Just to let him know that he didn't like what had happened to him. He looks at the window, looking at the people walking by, thinking if any of them ever experienced being fooled by the one they loved. "I actually met his wife when things got out of hand. When she discovered about me, about us." He continued. 

"She's pretty. Long hair, smooth skin, slim waist, like the perfect girl that she is. Everything I am not, actually." He chuckled bitterly. "I bought her a coffee just before she came in. I don't know why I did that. Maybe out of courtesy? But she didn't take a sip of it. I'm not surprised at all, of course, I was the one who ruined her marriage. What am I expecting." He can feel his hands getting cold, he feels like crying but he shouldn't especially not in front of Mark. But he still continues to tell him the story. "She was trying so hard to hold back her tears, her voice was breaking. She asked me why I didn't noticed anything sketchy, like why was I really dumb not to know he's married." 

"There was one time I saw him take off his wedding ring, I thought it was just a simple ring so I didn't pay much attention." 

"I told her that, I saw the look on her face. She closed her eyes and tears finally started flowing down. I was there looking at her, feeling pathetic. I felt so small, I did that to her, I've caused that." Jinyoung's trying to smile amidst all the things he said to Mark. "I hear her voice in my sleep, or when I just close my eyes when I'm tired. I–I really don't want to hear her voice again, her words… I don't want to hear them again." Mark got alarmed with how he looks like now. So he said they could stop talking about it. Seeing how Jinyoung became a little pale, clammy hands attempting to hold onto anything, his eyes looking down – unable to look at Mark. "Don't be too hard on yourself, Jinyoung. It'll get better. Believe me." 

On his way home, he's thinking of what Mark had told him. So he thought it's about time to reveal everything to his parents, to his family. What they know is he had a good time in his internship, that people there were good to him, that's true though, but they didn't know about Lee Daewon, they didn't know about Lee Minji; his wife. They didn't know he became the third party, they didn't know he almost got slapped in the face by his wife in the cafe, they didn't know about his nightmares, they didn't know about how they would meet in secret and within those times he was still clueless, so dumb. They didn't know that their son, their brother almost fucked up somebody's marriage. They didn't know he wanted to take his life when he learned about him being married. He just wanted to love and be loved and look at what he got in return. 

He sent a text message to his mom saying  _ "Mom, I'll go there on the weekend! Love you."  _ He locks his phone and starts writing down his notes. 

He once again remembers Mark's words right before they parted ways; ... _ It'll get better… _

**Author's Note:**

> I'll add more tags once I'm finished with the other parts. This might be a little angsty but of course, it'll have a happy ending lol. Please be patient with Jinyoung in this fic. Please. And also to me lolol. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are well appreciated.


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